I think ‘one special girl’ or the unicorn fantasy happens to each of us at least once in life. You just have to learn it the hard way to realize all women are the same.
Before you met your one-i-tis your life was in perfect order, you spun plates, made loads of money, kept your grind up. 5 months relationship with unicorn could leave you messed up.
You started slacking during relationships, daily calls, skipping the gym to meet her, adjusting your schedule to meet her, etc. You’ve put her on a pedestal like no girl before. You very well know how it ended. Do I regret it?
That’s the best life lesson you took. The only thing you regret was not facing reality sooner. But you found the truth which helped you to get over everything.
“My friend’s dad was an extremely successful athlete and developed a gambling problem that almost cost him his career. His dad eventually met his mom who helped him turn this negative cycle around and he became even more successful, also in business after his sports career.”
His argument is that the ‘right’ woman can really improve your life. At the time, you can imagine what he said and there’s validity to it, but can you fully accept it for all reason.
We all know that a woman who is more emotionally invested than you will not leave you unless you tell her to. Now John here, especially in hindsight, was obviously the more emotionally invested person, which became especially clear after seeing how the breakup messed him up.
The more important question is why?
Of course, it had something to do with him thinking this girl was special, a mistake as old as time. But what is more fascinating to me, is why her being special was so significant to him and made him needy.
You see, it’s never just about the girl is special, it’s about what you believe that her being special will bring to you. Essential distinction to make. It’s related to the story about his dad and the idea that the right woman can improve or even significantly change your life around.
In reality, this is half truth. On a surface level, it’s true; women can improve you and be an addition to your life. But if you take a closer look, you will always find the guy already had his shit for 98% together and the woman in question just gave him the metaphorical push over the edge.
The guy of course still has to put in all the work himself. He messed up by thinking he had found a special girl like his mom, who can drastically improve his life. You might realize somewhere in the back of your mind that your woman is improving you and without her, you’d be missing out. Objectively, can be true.
However, this must not become your attitude. Your attitude must remain that you don’t need her and you’ll be fine even with her gone. Women can change your life by keeping you away from self-destructing habits – drinking, gambling, etc.
BUT the reason behind this is not because she is much concerned about your wellbeing but afraid that you will incapacitate yourself to provide for her. And this works only in wedlock.
Most girlfriends will outright dump you, not bothering to make you a better person. Guys in recent times are starting to realize that – no woman will love you in the way that your mother loves you. The right woman can have a very positive impact on our lives. But there is an inclination to get caught up in our feelings, view things disproportionately and assign too much significance to only the positive impact a woman is having on our lives and before you know it, you think you are dependent on her and become needy & unattractive.