Monday, May 23, 2022

Never Get Friend Zoned Again

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The friend zone doesn’t exist. Period. A lot of people will tell you otherwise because it’s convenient. It’s convenient for you to shed personal responsibility and blame it on some collective belief that ‘this is what happened with me. This is what really happened:

If you two were friends. You two are still friends after being rejected. Period. Nothing more, nothing less.

If you two are not friends and she rejected you, then you are not friends after she rejected you.

If she rejected you because she doesn’t have any romantic feelings towards you, it means she doesn’t have any romantic feelings towards you.

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You can be the nicest guy in the universe, and do a lot of good things for her, but ultimately, you’re doing that BECAUSE you are genuinely a nice person. You’re NOT doing it because you’re hoping she would think of you as someone who is romantically inclined.

If you did think that way, doing all those things, then you’re an insincere needy loser. Now, the next time you’re interested in someone else and you want that person romantically, you go after that person. You don’t try to be their friend in hopes that in some passive way, you’re going to be able to ‘shock’ her into the belief that you’re some hot awesome person to date. If you like someone, ask her out.

Don’t try to be their friend. Make it quite known from the get-go that you are interested in her. Don’t pretend to be friendly. Don’t pretend to be a nice person. Don’t pretend to be ‘her best friend’. If she rejects you, it’s not because you are put into some sort of mythical zone. It’s because you both simply didn’t connect that way.

Meeting the bare minimum requirements to go out into society – politeness, considerateness – aren’t usually enough, by themselves, to create romantic interest in another person, unless they are extremely desperate. “I am a nice guy” but not only just a nice guy. Women are attracted to men who are confident, well-spoken, reasonably attractive, well-groomed, intelligent, mysterious, exciting, demand respect, and are a bit aloof. Women are attracted to men who have happy, fulfilled, meaningful lives, entirely of their own creation, and these men don’t need anyone else to be complete.

A woman knows a man like this isn’t needy and she will feel freer to get to know him better. Shyness and neediness are not attractive – don’t think even shy people are attracted to other shy people. Most importantly, women are attracted to men who actually do shit. This means the men spend the hours and minutes of their days adding value to the world, most often (but not always) through a job that pays well.

They may donate their time to help others, showing compassion and strength, which women find very attractive. Such men are attracted to women who are also like this. Just as many women have friend-zoned you, you’ve friend-zoned many women who lack their qualities. It doesn’t mean they’re “bad” or “worthless,” but it does mean you want someone who values the same things you do and has already accomplished these things in their life.

Confident, centred, whole people are not interested in potential or changing others; they accept others as they are and are either attracted to them or not, just as they are. Most people are most interested in what you do and what you accomplish, not in what you “are.” Because you really are only the sum of your accomplishments, contributions, activities, and how you choose to present yourself to others. What’s on the outside is very, very important. Make your intentions clear from the very first. Don’t take much time, or else you would be left with time only. As per the Game theory, there is a higher chance of getting a rejection, but it’s less painful than getting friend-zoned later.

Ocholi Ugbede John. A young Entrepreneur, Digital Marketer and Blogger. Also an Estate Surveyor and Valuer by profession

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